It's 4 am in the morning and I can't sleep!!!!!!!!!!! Da hell. I have no idea why my body clock changed to sleeping at this timing. Maybe I should try sleeping earlier.
Okay so i've just finished watching the world's strictest parents. Very very interesting and it got me addicted to watching each episode. Its an UK documentary about British teens being all rebellious and getting totally wasted. Wasting their life away when they're only 16 to 19 years old. They're sent overseas to other countries and to be taken under by their new parents. Their new parents will then teach them new values about life and what they have to learn or behave as a teen. Some of the parents are quite aggressive in their way of teaching and I'm so lucky my parents aren't like that. They gave me too much freedom from which I have also taken for granted for many years. The love they gave me is unconditional.
But then again, talking about this. It makes me feel sad cos my family isn't like a family anymore. My family used to be happy but this was all when I was younger la. Like before secondary 1 I guess. I changed my attitude since then. I mean like we still hang out as a family but I don't go close to them. I would rather hang out with my friends then them. Actually the feelings is very different between hanging out with your family and friends. I don't know why but I have this feeling that my friends can always understand me best and give me better advices. Although the people that love me most is my family. Oh well. So my family relationship just got worse recently... K it's hard to explain why here. I feel like I've lost both of them actually. My parents I mean. I don't want a broken family to be honest, and it's obvious that nobody wants it. Ya, mine is just slowly becoming separated. Okay I admit, I am quite affected by it. That my family became like this. But there's seriously nothing I can do to help. Dad and mom ask me to do my responsibility as a daughter, yeah I know and like I told them. I said I will try. Then I went to fb to post something, it was something which it's totally not relevant to family issues or what. I was referring to someone else and my mom had to go comment on it. I hate it when she comments on it. It's like she wants everyone to know. Come on for fuck sake. Please stop I do not like it. But what she commented made me think a lot. What she really meant was everything is too late. She was hurt too deep that now everything my dad or the 3 kids that are trying to mend is too late. So if everything is really too late then why still hang on to this? Don't tell me it's for us when you know it's already not. This house is only for your lodging. Do you have any idea what the heck you are talking about? Ya you say everybody have to happy. But please, we are not. Happy my ass.
So tell me. What do you want? A divorce? Or live your life, continuing drinking till late night? I have no say. No point in asking you to come back early. Dad tried, we all tried. So what's wrong with you? Too late then just make your stand. I am ok with it seriously. We are all tired. Just do what you want. You wanna go get drunk then go. Go ahead. This house have also become a place for me to sleep only. This is also the reason why I love to hang out with my friends then staying at home. I rather go out till late at night playing LAN with my friends then being home. I rather stay with Sy or G then sleeping at home. At least I'm with people who makes me feel better. At least I don't have to think so much when I'm with them. I feel happier. All I want is just to be normal and happy again with my own family... What is god doing. What are you doing? Always making my life so miserable. Ya la ya la I'm blaming god la if that's what all you can say. I've already lost faith the moment something happened to my grams. So what? I prayed and all. It made our lives even harder only. My mom have to slog her guts out working for the money. Where her siblings aren't really helping.
Ugh damn it k I've got to catch some sleep already. Goodnight to whoever is reading this pathetic blog post.
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